2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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