Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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