His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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