someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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