I wish my penis had an off switch
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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