remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
