I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
