I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
