turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
