lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
