Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
the raccoons are back...
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