I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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