this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
