Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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