hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
