my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize