guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I will die if light touches me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
