He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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