So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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