The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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