I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
