Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
