i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
only if we run a train.
done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
