Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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