my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
