note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
