My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
