he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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