fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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