I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
