i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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