I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
