Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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