guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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