the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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