I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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