I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
