it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
