Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
