So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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