If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize