real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My Sexting was not on an AP level
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
