first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
