he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
