she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
