He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
