I wanna bring you to show and tell
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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