I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
