Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
