i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
