went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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