Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So vagazzling was a success
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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