Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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