I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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