I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I died a long time ago.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So many bounce houses so little time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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