Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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