Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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