Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
