I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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